5 Stages of Alcoholism That Often Go Unnoticed

I think a lot of people have this image in their heads of what “an alcoholic” looks like.
Passed out. Jobless. Rock bottom. Slurring sentences.
But that’s not always the truth.
Sometimes addiction wears lipstick. Pays bills. Speaks eloquently. Shows up early to meetings.
Sometimes it looks like you.

Because honestly addiction doesn’t knock politely and ask for permission to come in.
It creeps in. Quietly.
Through celebrations, coping mechanisms, sales dinners, routines.
And before you know it, you’ve created and normalized a habit that’s no longer harmless.

As someone who’s lived it addiction and come out the other side, I’m here to shine a light on the stages that often go unnoticed. Especially in high-functioning addicts, party people, and self-proclaimed “social drinkers.”

If you’ve ever wondered, “is my drinking really a problem?”
This one’s for you.

Stage 1: Occasional Binge Drinking (Social Justification Stage, “just having fun” or “celebrating”)

We love to romanticize this one.

Bottomless mimosas. Wine o’clock. Friday happy hour.
It’s easy to join in (and justify) when everyone else is doing it.
You’re not drinking alone. You’re just “celebrating.”

But here's the hard truth: binge drinking behavior - even occasionally - is still a red flag.
It overloads your body, disrupts your mental health, and starts the process of alcohol tolerance (which we’ll get to next).
You don’t need to drink daily for it to be a problem.

If you need alcohol to have fun, loosen up, or “let go”… it’s worth asking why.

Stage 2: Escalating Tolerance (The “New Normal” Phase, takes more to feel the same effect)

This is where your body starts adapting. What used to be “a couple of drinks” doesn’t hit the same.

So you drink more.
And more often, with more consistency in your routine.
Maybe a glass while cooking. One with dinner. One after.
Nothing “crazy,” but it for sure adds up.

Your brain rewires itself to expect the buzz.
And without it? You’re restless. Edgy. A little lost.
That’s not just tolerance, that my friend is the beginning of alcohol dependence.

Stage 3: Emotional Dependence (The “Coping” stage, used to escape emotions)

Here’s where the shift gets dangerous.

It’s not about socialising or partying anymore. It’s about coping.

Bad day? Drink.
Breakup? Drink.
Lonely? Drink.
Anxious? Drink.
Bored? Drink.

When alcohol becomes your go-to way to escape or avoid emotions instead of sitting with them or feeling them, you're no longer using it…..it’s using you.
This is where many high-functioning people stay stuck for years.
Because on the outside, everything still looks “fine.” But on the inside? Alcohol = functioning.

This is where the sobriety journey truly begins: not with quitting the substance, but with admitting you’re using it to avoid yourself.

Stage 4: Loss of Control (The “Hiding” Phase, failed attempts to cut back)

So you start to notice the consequences.

Maybe your sleep is trash.
Maybe you say things you regret.
Maybe relationships are affected.
Maybe you’ve tried to cut back - and failed.

So you start hiding it.

You sneak drinks before events/going out.
Lie about how much you had.
Convince yourself it’s “under control” while silently questioning if it is.

This is when shame creeps in. You’re no longer drinking for fun or escape, you’re drinking because you don’t know how not to.

Stage 5: Full Dependency (The “Trapped” Phase – Daily Drinking)

This is the part most people traditionally recognize as alcoholism or substance abuse.
But by the time you get here, it’s already a wildfire. As a Californian I know, when those wildfires get started, under the wrong conditions they are really hard to get on top of and stop.

Drinking every day.
Needing it to function.
Experiencing withdrawal symptoms if you stop.

And here's what no one tells you: detoxing at this stage can be dangerous.
Alcohol detox risks include seizures, heart failure, and death, especially if done without medical supervision.
This is not the time for DIY solutions.
Medical detox isn’t a luxury. It’s life-saving care. (Read my post on Deadly Lies About Sobriety No One Talks About).

Addiction Isn’t Always Loud (But It Is Relentless)

So many people never seek help because they don’t look like an addict.

Truth: Addiction isn’t about how you look, it’s about how you feel and function.
It’s about what you’re hiding, avoiding, or pretending isn’t a problem.

You don’t have to lose everything and everyone to decide you’re done.
You don’t need a dramatic bottom to seek help. 
You just need a moment of honesty. And the willingness to take one small step.

This Is Your Moment

Whether you’re an addict, sober, sober curious, or anywhere in between, just know this:

You don’t have to do it alone.

You’re welcome here.

In the Chains to Changed sober community, we talk about it all.
The cravings. The confusion. The healing. The wins.
We don’t shame. We don’t diagnose. We just support the hell out of you, every single step of the way.

Because freedom doesn’t just come from quitting drinking, it comes from choosing yourself.

So if you're ready to break the cycle…
Or even just thinking about it…